Marriage Saving

Generally,if the breakdown of a marriage is due to adultery committed by a spouse, reconciliation between the parties will be difficult.

Most people see the act of adultery as the ultimate betrayal of trust between a husband and wife. Reconciliation is certainly difficult in such circumstances to restore the said trust. Nevertheless, reconciliation is not totally impossible. Much depend on the parties’ effort and desire to save the relationship. Whether the erring party’s spouse will be forgiving enough to accept him or her, even if the illicit affairs were discovered and illegitmate children borned out of the said relationship, will depend on the post discovery effort put in by the erring spouse. There are instances whereby the parties reconciled, and the erring spouse continued his or her clandestine activities, in an elusive manner ,and the innocent partner only discover the breach of trust years later.

In the case of divorce petitions filed on the ground of the unreasonable behaviour of the Respondent (save for those due to intimate association with a third party of the same sex or opposite sex), if the erring spouse put in sufficient effort early, there is an even chance of saving it.

It may however not in the parties’ interest to reconcile if the degree of trust could not be fully restored. Some litigants reconciled as they were concerned about the impact of the divorce on the children, others for financial reasons, and yet some out of fear of loneliness which only dawned upon them after filing for divorce. Such basis for re-concialiation are wrong. One should reconcile only if reconciliation will bring happiness. It is extremely important to be frank and honest with oneself. If determination to save the marriage is sorely lacking, it only make more sense to part amicably.

It is essential to address the problems between the parties and communicate early. More often than not, it is a question of pride that kills the marriage. The rift of parties are often caused by demands of work and differences in views of how to bring up the children. The wife usually complain that the husband is too engrossed in his work and assets accumulation, and the husband’s woes are the wife does not appreciate his efforts to support the family financially. An unhappy spouse is in a vulnerable position emotionally. He or she may form association with another person, intimate or otherwise.

A must read book for those who are wish to know more about the essential rules of a lasting relationship- “The love laws” by Steven Carter. Other books which you should read- Fighting For Your marriage, by Howard Markman, Scott stanley, Susan L Blomberg. Another book, Voilence No More by Michael Paynear provides some insights on how to deal with a voilent spouse.